Tuesday, March 11, 2008
There's an old saying and I'll probably botch it up, but it goes something like: Do you want to see God laugh? Then make a plan. You know, for me to sit here and try to describe the strength in that quote, would be doing it a huge disservice. The Lord's ways are so infinitely beyond ours that we simply cannot begin to comprehend His ways. I mean, one can try but how close would we truly get?
As I sit here and type this post to my blog friends and to the reading audience, I think to myself "man, I've got people fooled. They believe that because they don't see me acting out by sniping folks down with my words or mean mugging throughout the day, or even sulking in some corner with a long face that I don't have problems."
- Are they ever wrong. Hell, to even entertain a thought like that, at least with me in mind is absurdity to the highest degree. We've all got problems. Some small, some major but we've all got them. And I'm no exception.
I have moments when I look at my life and say, how in the world do I make sense of the confusion? How do I manage to weed out the nonsense and leave behind the stuff that does make sense? I don't have to look any further than drifting into my own mind and reminding myself that the Lord's plan is out of the scope of my understanding.
I mean, have you ever laughed at how detail oriented we can get with planning or maybe the lack thereof? You see, I'm a meticulous planner. It's one of my greater strengths. A bulleted or numerical list with a little phrase beside them to strike a line through when I've completed another task. And then I move to the next thing. Thus navigating through my plan with deft surgical precision, praying that it reaches fruition.
Then, I laugh at the silliness of it all because In the end, we are never really in total control when it comes to planning. At least not in the way WE think of "total control." Sure, we lay the plan out - we alter it to our satisfaction or circumstances and then we move forward with #1 on your list of plans and so on and so forth.
Take for instance:
As the past week crawled to its conclusion, I created my 3 step plan for the weekend.
(1) Do some stuff around the house that I had been putting off for more important things during the past several weeks
(2) Call some folks who had called me during the week that I wasn't able to call earlier
(3) Do some fun stuff for myself. ie; airbrushing, watch a couple of movies, play some games on the computer,etc.
Those "were" the plans. Nothing detail oriented about them, just simple stuff. Actually, I found doing these things so easy to strike off of the list as I completed them, that I could just as easily done them in my sleep. I ran off to Lowes bright and early to pick up a few items on Saturday and was heading back to the house somewhere around 8:30a.m. and prepared to knock out the first thing on my list of plans.
However, idling in my parking spot when I returned home was this burgundy Dodge Charger that was screaming hemi-powered, super performance sedan. I thought it belonged to the neighbors next door. They had a thing about parking in my space when I was away, but upon further inspection when I looked closely to see who was sitting in the drivers seat, it was my artist-in-arms King.
I've described King on this blog before. He's about 6'4", every inch of him the makings of a side of beef chiseled out in the form of a black man. And I hadn't seen King since last September when we got together with a few of our artist buddies and went out to a local restaurant. And now, in the middle of this dreary and nasty Saturday morning rain, dude had made a trip all the way to Dumfries to come visit a brotha.
An overdue visit at that, King wanted to come by the house a couple of weeks ago, but couldn't make it out due to some unexpected circumstances with his wife so surprisingly, he showed up this past weekend. He didn't even let me know he was coming. That's cool because a brotha loves surprises.
What seemed like it was going to be a quick visit turned into a 6 hour intellectual, artistic and spiritual quest through a myriad of subjects culminating with the viewing of 2 recent episodes of LOST. I've got to tell you LOST fans. This cat knows his shit when it comes to that show. His angles and theories of some of the happenings on that program are pretty sound. I stand impressed at times.
But do you know what's funny? King and I have only been able to talk a handful of times in the past few months since we last saw each other, and usually just for a few minutes. But dude is one of those friends who I always know that we can pick up exactly where we left off, regardless of what we were talking about, whether the subject is tenuous or light hearted.
On this particular day though, most of his convo was about me. You see, I haven't been drawing as much as I used to and I've been seriously M.I.A. from the art studio in well over a year now. And as anybody knows, the studio IS my cave. That's where I run to when I need to chill. But I haven't been there for some time. I explained to King that there are some things I need to get in order first and '08 was going to be a year of some planning and changes. And these plans have been set in motion so that things are a little easier tomorrow.
Between 2 shifts, quick weekends, a 3-4 hour time window at best when I come home from my day shift before wrapping up my day, and trying to keep my weight on (dude says I look emaciated; I don't -smile), I have very little time to do the things that I'd like. I'm sure you guys have noticed the sizeable gaps in between blog posts. Well, this is why.
Blogging is fun, so I make time for it. He only wishes I would make a little more time for my art as well, even though I reassured him that my art is here to stay. I don't plan on giving that up any time soon. To his chagrin, he wasn't too happy that I may be considering giving up my commission artwork. My heart just isn't in it anymore.
The needless grind of dealing with paying customers, something that I always loved to do just a couple of years ago is slowly wearing on my patience. A couple of weeks ago, when a customer contacted me back and informed me that she was going to go with another artist because she was pressed for time and couldn't utilize my services, I was actually elated and overcome with joy. THAT my friends, was a first. More of that in a future blog.
I've always respected time and in the past 8 months probably moreso. I grab it and do whatever I can with the little bit that I get. And I do a very good job on maximizing my time and squeezing 36 hours into a 24 hour day. But King was genuinely concerned for me. I tried to tell the brotha that I really was fine, but it's the absence from the studio that's got dude in such a tizzy.
One thing he knows, whatever was going on in my life, I ALWAYS made time for the art. And now, for the first time, he was noticing that my art was taking a back seat to... God knows what.
We discussed this topic in great detail that day. Along with the fact that although we are at different places in our lives, it was good to also hear him say that it didn't feel like it. Things had changed throughout our friendship, but each of us was inherently the same, at our core. That was the 2nd time in as many days that a friend had said those very same words.
It's comforting to have friendships like these. A few of those constants that you know will ALWAYS be there no matter what. And the slightest change will set off a friend or a loved one's radar. Especially a creature of habit as I tend to be can set off many a radar when my loved ones suspect that something is amiss with their favorite mr. Cage. And dammit, they are not shy about asking what that something is.
King and I talked about so many things that day. Each subject and conversation we had just kept circling back to our lives and our plans. Its funny how there is always something. Always some looming decision or issue that seems like it is life or death. Or perhaps, it merely seems that way. Like choosing wrong could make or break your entire being. (Sometimes I am dramatic).
But really. Whether that decision is to move across the world, or change jobs, etc., most people have one hanging over their heads. And that's when we need to implement a plan, a scheme, a program or some method that is worked out beforehand for the accomplishment of our objective.
Life after all is an interesting journey. And along my humble path thus far, I have learned a few things- one of which is that things have a way of working out.
What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.
T.S. Eliot
"Little Gidding"
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.
T.S. Eliot
"Little Gidding"
This is why I try not to focus on worrying about the future constantly. Be vigilant that it is always in flux and is always changing even as we move forward in our day. Take heed that the plan you took time to construct may not work out as... well, planned. But in the end, may work out in ways that you may not have ever dreamed of or intended.
